


Turncoat

by Adreamermusing



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Gen, Guilt, Slice of Life, severus snape comes up with bullshit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:55:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29564316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adreamermusing/pseuds/Adreamermusing
Summary: Severus Snape finds being a Death Eater lacklustre and disappointing. That's not a very convincing reason to change sides, even to him. The great Albus Dumbledore needs something a bit more sentimental to be convinced.
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore & Severus Snape, Eileen Prince & Severus Snape
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Turncoat

Severus paced back and forth in the tiny, dusty living room of his home in Spinner’s End, wondering where and how it all went so wrong. The Dark Lord had listened to the prophecy—Severus’s admittedly meagre offering to placate his anger at Severus's failure to procure the Potions Master position. Much to his disappointment, the Dark Lord did indeed take Divination seriously. What was more, the Dark Lord listened to the prophecy and did not assume, as Severus had, as any reasonable person would, that the prophecy referred to an adult wizard out of the country, but an unborn child. What kind of stupidity would induce someone to listen to “The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…” and assume it meant a baby? 

Needless to say, Severus had been deeply disillusioned when the Dark Lord announced his intentions to choose between the Potters and the Longbottoms. Only a reckless, self-aggrandizing fool would murder a baby due to a fraudulent crackpot’s ravings.

Not that he wasn’t disillusioned before. Severus remembered the feverish whisperings in the Slytherin Common Room (“We won’t have to hide anymore, Severus. We don’t have to be at the mercy of muggles just for being who we are,” Evan Rosier’s voice rang in his head). He remembered the promises, the dreams of finally becoming someone powerful, the certainty that he would never again have to feel like a twitchy spider forever in danger of being snuffed away by a gust of wind. All for naught apparently. The Dark Lord turned out to be a power-hungry and reckless fool, nursing his grudges like a wound, punishing anyone who even held the slightest of doubts about him.

Regulus, Evan….all lost to that madman without a cause. But surely dying was better than serving a man who saw competition in an unborn baby. Severus had tried, somewhat futilely to protect Lily’s life. She had been his friend once upon a time, had tried to help him when she could, and it was the least he could do to repay the debt he owed her. She and her husband had been targets anyway due to their affiliation with the Order but this was another level of risk. What kind of idiots decided to have a baby when they were soldiers fighting a war? Gryffindor pride probably explained it, the callous certainty that they were not affected by mortal worries like death and torture, that whatever fortune had blessed them in school would continue even during the war.

Severus could not assume luck would favour him, not like it would James Potter or Sirius Black. Severus would have to claw his way out of the Dark Lord’s ranks and into something resembling a respectable position in society on his own. There was only one option available. Severus swallowed. He hated it, just the thought of it made bitterness rise in him like James Potter’s ever-expanding ego. But there was nothing else to do and Severus was a Slytherin. He could not be brave without cunning in equal measure. 

Albus Dumbledore would never look at Severus, a Slytherin, a Death Eater, a “rival” to his own golden boys, and see anything of worth. Severus could offer his services as a spy, do his bit to bring the madman down, but there was no way Dumbledore would listen. He would assume the worst, strike him down, and hand him over to the Aurors to do what they liked.

What explanation could possibly appease Dumbledore? He would not believe Severus if he said he was disillusioned. There was not much Severus could do to prove his trustworthiness either, not after his deliverance of the prophecy. No, Dumbledore would never believe Severus could possess cold, hard, moral principles.

So, what was the best quality Dumbledore would see in him? Severus racked his brains, thought back to end of term speeches, of the warning Dumbledore gave him after Black tried to murder him. What was it that he had said?

_James Potter saved you at great personal risk to himself. He did it to protect you._

_No, he didn’t, Severus had screamed. He did it to protect his prick friends._

_Yes. James’s love for his friends was greater than his hatred for you. And it is that love that allows you to live, Severus. It is that love that allowed James to protect even his enemy. You might consider learning by his example._

_I care about my friends too, you twinkly-eyed old man, Severus had thought. Do you think Slytherins aren’t capable of love? That we don’t have friends? No wonder your school is such a polarised fucking battleground._

Love. That was it. Dumbledore wouldn’t believe Severus had found the Dark Lord deeply disappointing in comparison to what he had been promised. But he would believe that Severus would be a turncoat out of love. He might even think that Severus was worthy of redemption because of it. Never mind his frankly disturbing assumption that Good People could love and Bad People couldn’t; but this was something Severus could use to his advantage.

Alright. Motive established. Severus took out a cigarette and lit it with a match using his shaking hands. He allowed his mind to haze away like the cigarette smoke, clearing it, locking away the panic and anxiety in his little box, the occlumency his mother taught him as a young boy serving him well even now.

Which person would be worth changing sides? Who would Dumbledore believe to be a person worthy of such love?

Evan was the first person that came to mind. Ridiculous, funny Evan, clucking like a mother hen whenever Severus came back after an encounter with the Marauders, blushing while stepping on Sophia Greengrass’s feet as they danced at the Yule Ball. Evan, whose grand contribution to the Death Eaters had been putting up propaganda posters and conveniently falling sick during raids. He had been caught and tortured by Auror Moody and then subsequently killed at twenty-years-old, probably terrified out of his wits.

There was also Regulus, arrogant, bookish Regulus who went on and on about his ridiculous house elf and how wonderful he was. Regulus, who strangely seemed to think house elves were of more magical worth than muggleborns. He was not like Sirius Black; he did not have the taste for violence and cruelty like he did. Certainly, he had no problem being proudly bigoted, but when push came to shove, he was a soft idiot with a deep sense of honour and loyalty to his family. Severus still did not know what happened to him, but Regulus had been only eighteen-years-old when he disappeared. He had probably been terrified out of his wits too.

The Dark Lord had not spared a thought for either of their deaths.

The idea appealed to Severus, to stake his redemption on his two lost friends; it would keep their legacy alive somewhat, make them nobler than they were. But he instinctively knew that Dumbledore would never accept it. Dumbledore would not think a Death Eater’s loss was a great enough cause to change sides. He would not think Regulus and Evan were people worth loving.

Severus blew out another puff of smoke. Who did Severus love that was a Good Person? His mother would not do… someone closer to Dumbledore would ease the process. Someone the Dark Lord already hated.

Lily Evans.

Severus stubbed the cigarette on the rickety wooden table, annoyed. Dumbledore would not think friendship to be strong enough a reason. It had to be love of the unrequited variety. Severus had not followed Lily’s activities all that closely after that day she refused his apology. He had gone out of his way to avoid her. They had long ago ceased to be close anyway. He had only hoped she would surround herself with better people than Potter and Co., people who would tell Lily that she wouldn’t be a coward if she didn’t want to stay in Britain and fight Death Eaters, people who would tell Lily to protect herself first and save the world later. But that obviously never happened. He had heard of course of her joining the Order, getting married, being pregnant with Potter’s child…all things that seemed ridiculously reckless during a war.

But Dumbledore adored that kind of recklessness, saw beauty and goodness in it even. Lily Evans was definitely worth loving according to him. She was perfect.

There was only one thing to do in that case. Severus summoned up the memory of his happiest days at his mother’s knee, listening intently as she read "The Little Prince" to him. It had been one of the many weeks his father had buggered off in his millionth attempt to abandoned them. It had been the third day of his leaving and Severus had begun to think he would never come back. Eileen had taken Severus out for ice-cream. They brewed potions together in the afternoon in their tiny living room, his mother smirking as she threw ingredients into the cauldron without measurement. He blocked out the grief of her having passed, the sorrow at his father arriving the next day to continue his tyrannical ways, extinguishing the tiny embers of a fire that had been lit in her when he’d gone. Instead, he concentrated on her tired face, anxious lines uncharacteristically stretched out in a smile, her soft voice telling him "You are my little prince, Severus. My sweet little prince."

Silver-white mist burst out of his wand and scattered like fairy dust. The motes of starlight suspended in the air as his memories coalesced into the perfect manifestation of long-remembered happiness. The silver doe looked at him placidly through her long lashes, and Severus wondered if his mother would be pleased to see herself looking so lovely, the way she never had been in her life. 

"Go to Albus Dumbledore," he told the doe. "Tell him that Severus Snape wishes to meet with him regarding some very important information." She blinked at him once and then cantered through the unlovely house, bursting out of the window like a soundless firework.

It was all in Dumbledore’s hands now.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little oneshot that burst out of me once I had the seed of the thought: "What if Snape was just done and tired of the Death Eaters and really needed a reason to GTFO that Dumbledore would be okay with?" This is not canon as I see it. Canon Snape is far more emotional than this and while I would like to believe Eileen to be a loving mother, my headcanon says NO. So think of this as an experiment if you will.


End file.
